Making Plans

I’m a planner.
I’m a worrier.
I’m a research something ’til I can’t think anymore then worry about whether or not I can do it-er.
Some days, it ain’t easy being in my head.
I have big Dreams.
But I also have anxieties.
Sometimes, the anxiety can be crippling.
I freeze and do nothing because I’m scared to fuck up.
Not scared to fail, because in failure we learn how to do better.
Scared to royally fuck things up and lose it all.
Like I said…
It ain’t easy being in my head sometimes.

Which makes this time of year a little bit more challenging.
This is the time where the Farm is starting to go into it’s winter slumber period.
During that winter slumber, I…well, we…make plans for the coming year(s).
Right now seed catalogs are coming out.
So I’m working on planning the garden.
I’m thinking about a 300 gallon water tote.
I’m thinking about a greenhouse.
I’m thinking about starting seeds…
Expanding the fruit orchard…
Propagating grapes, honeyberries, adding raspberries…
Growing enough food to can for next winter and fruit to make wine.

And then I’m thinking about whether or not my garlic will grow come spring…
Will my strawberries survive?
Did I mulch them enough?
Did I mulch them too much?
What about the black currants I didn’t have a chance to plant so I mulched in with the strawberries…
Will they survive heavily mulched, but in pots?
Will they spring back to life when I plant them come spring?

Then, meat production…
Can I sell enough eggs to get the next incubator?
Will we have space to grow all the chicks I want to hatch?
What about the ducks?
Are they ever going to give me ducklings?
I’ve already decided to order 10 hatchery pekin ducks in spring, to go with my meat chickens.
But, should I try turkeys too?
I really want to grow turkeys.
Will it be worth the money to do?
Will I have enough brooder space for ducks, turkeys, meat chickens *and* the chicks I hatch?
How can I make sure I do have enough?

By now, I’ve given myself a headache and I’m starting on the stomachache to match…

But wait…there’s more!
Because now, in my frustration over not meeting our 5 year plan goals (a huge part of which was to have the entire property fenced and have a few head of bison) I’m looking at sheep…
Why sheep?
Welp, because I need a break from swine.
But, we also need something on the Farm to replace the meat that would come from them.
And I’m not allowed goats…or, it goes like this:

Me: I want a milking goat or two…and maybe a billy if I can’t find someone to send the girls on dates with.
Hubby: First goat that climbs on my truck become goat-b-q.

Considering we’ve seen goats on our Hay Guy’s vehicles on different occasions when we’ve been picking up hay for the Merry Mares, I figure we’d be eating goat-b-q in fairly short order.

Ahhhh, but sheep?
A small herd of say…Icelandics?
They’re hardy, good for our climate, bred for meat, fibre and milk.
So start with a small herd of them?
I’m thinking about it.
Researching it.
And then, once I think I can handle it…
I’ll freeze.
For fear of royally fucking things up.
In this idea, I do have, at least, a very good veterinarian who knows sheep.
The vet we had come out when our CinderBella was sick raises sheep himself.
So, unlike a lot of folks who dive into sheepses, I have a grand resource for health care on them.
Thank goodness.

Some days, I am so envious of those people who just go out and buy the livestock they want…
“Oh, sheep are cute. Got no fencing in place, but there’s one for sale…” and the person brings it home in the back of their car.
Meanwhile, I’m over here trying not to die because the acids from the anxiety are eating holes in my stomach.
If only I could manage to find that balance between what my brain currently does, and that carefree livestock acquisition.
Maybe one day?
Until then, I’m just gonna order some books on caring for ovines successfully.
And pray I don’t royally fuck it up.

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One thought on “Making Plans

  1. Toosh says:

    Yes, so many questions…… and as for answers, eh?…… But you are one to keep taking that step after step, and you are making it go. Keep stepping, girl, you got it!

    Liked by 1 person

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