On Dealing with Grief…

Thank you.
For the comments, the emails, the messages, the calls, the love…

This grief has been like no other I’ve known.
I’ve lost other animals I’ve loved, lost both my parents, and other friends and family…as hard as those have been, this has devastated me.

Cookie was the entire reason we bought this Farm.
Her picture on the Rescue website was what pushed me to search for reals for land.
Hell, I showed her to Hubby and said “That’s my horse. We either need land, or we’re going to board her…but she’s mine.”

She was our mascot.

Ima Midnight Tuxedo belonged at Midnight Calico Farm.
It was meant to be.

There is a bond between horse and person that we humans are sometimes lucky enough to have develop.
I like to think Cookie and I had that.
I jokingly called her a “MamaSuck” and my Mama’s Girl.
Once I was able to gain her trust (and that was an ordeal and a half, for sure…one I wouldn’t trade for anything ❀ ) it was clear that we had something special between us.

One of the things I’ve been doing to deal with this grief is sharing pictures of from our life together on my personal FB page.
Then, I realized I should do that here too.
I know some of y’all followers loved her too.
So the next few posts are going to be a sharing of our life together…
She was by no means an easy horse to live with, but by the Goddess, she sure was easy to love. ❀

This is Nikki. I loved her from the very second I saw her…I knew this was going to be my girl.

This is from the very first day the Girls came home…she was still Nicki (or Nikki…either spelling worked) then.

When she became my Cookie…
Here’s what I posted on FB about this picture:

She came to me with the name “Nicki”.
The only response I ever got to that name was she’d turn her bum to me and walk away.
And then, one day, she was so exasperated with me…it was like she was saying “Listen lady, if you’re going to keep annoying me, at least get my name right!”
I laughingly said “You’re going to be one tough cookie to crack!”
She nickered and nodded.
I went back through the sentence, saying each word, and every time I said “Cookie” I got a reaction…a nicker, or a nod, or this face…
I said “It’s Cookie, isn’t it? You’re name is Cookie” and she farted. LOL!! I took that as a yes. πŸ˜‰
So I took this picture of her, and 10 days after she came home, reintroduced my special Girl by her right and proper name…
❀ Cookie

Our very first Christmas photo shoot.
Poor Girl.
She had no idea what I wanted, had been home just over a month, still so unsure of the humans who kept showing up and bothering her…though, to be fair, those same humans kept bringing the food, so they couldn’t be all bad, right?
And then this…
It was sheer luck that I caught this.
Hubby had reached over, and dropped it on her as she brought her head up to move away…this was my first lesson in “have the camera ready at all times”. πŸ™‚

If she had only known what was to come in her life here, with all the different things I put on her.
LOL!
I think she would have stayed, even if she’d known.
She really was happy here…when she let herself be.

Later, I had this photo tattooed on my forearm…

Just freshly needled…

Starting the ugly phase of healing..I’m so, so happy with it. Squee! I can’t wait ’til it’s healed!

She’s not just with me in my Heart (always and forever in my Heart) but under my skin too.
❀

5 thoughts on “On Dealing with Grief…

  1. What a beautiful tat! Your love (not just the love you felt but the love both of youse shared) is warming and important to us all, even those who, like myself, find horses intimidating.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Comedy Plus says:

    I’m a new reader to you, but I’ve been thinking about you for days now, hoping you’re doing better. Grief is a hard thing.

    Big healing hugs. β™₯

    Liked by 1 person

  3. kittiesblue says:

    Please accept my condolences. Cookie was beautiful, and I know you are heartbroken. I’ve had many friends with horses and know how close you can get to them. What a beautiful tattoo of her. I have wanted to get my angel Fiona on my upper arm but have not been able to do it yet. Though, she has been gone almost an entire year; the thought of seeing that cute face on my body every day is too distressing. It will happen though. You will remain in my heart and prayers as you grieve. Hugs, Janet

    Liked by 2 people

  4. kara says:

    I am so sorry!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Toosh says:

    Still can’t believe she’s gone. It’s so easy to love animals. Take it day by day.

    Liked by 1 person

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